I was sitting at an airport bar a couple weeks back writing my last post and the women sitting next to me started to ask questions about my blog and from there we started talking about dating in general.
She asked me how I handle dating in San Francisco as it seems like you have to continually be dating multiple people at a time because everyone’s relationship status changes so frequently.
My response: I came up with a system in how I maneuver and process my dating life when there are multiple people involved. I call it The Stove Theory.
I had mentioned to her that I had listed to a Podcast recently in where I laughed out loud because a woman had come on and talked about her system of dating multiple people, and it happened to align rather well with my system, oddly well honestly. Check out the podcast at Date/able Season 4 Episode 10: The System.
PSA: If you don’t listen to Date/able Podcast already, you most definitely should. I am an addict to this podcast!
So, of course, she asked me to share my theory, I did, and now I am here to share it with you. I’m a lover of cooking and baking which is where this thought process and connection came to me.
The Stove Theory: 4 burners and an Oven
The Oven: You bake things in the oven, things take time in the oven to cook, most times you cook something up on a burner to then move it into the oven. So this is the guy/gal you are falling for that you are putting most of your efforts into. This is the person you seriously see something with, that you would commit to if that DTR conversation was to come.
The 2 front-burners: These are the two burners you do most of your cooking on. These are the people want to see where things could go. For me, these are the guys that I have been on a couple dates with, that I like and want to see where things could go. Either of these two guys/gals could move into the oven for more thorough cooking, but they aren’t there yet. They haven’t pushed the person in “the oven” slot out. But they give me butterflies and I am enjoying my time with them I want to spend more time with them, like cooking I spend a lot of time cooking on the front two burners of my stove.
The 2 back burners on the stove: These are the burners you use when boiling or simmering. These are the so-called, back-burners. They people could have a number of different reasons for being on the back-burner. They could be your FFB or Fuck Buddy, or they are the guy/gal you are just starting to message back and forth with from a dating site, or the guy or gal you met at a bar and gave your number, you want to see where it could go. Again these are someone who could move up in the game and bump someone off the front burner.
To answer the question I know is going to come, Am I using all 4-burners and the oven right now? I was but recently have turned a couple burners off as my interest or mutual interest is no longer there.
I do have someone in the oven slot right now, someone on a front burner but things are starting to cool there and then there is always someone on one of my back burners, “TFF”, maybe one day I will write about him.
I will also mention here that anyone could easily move into the oven if they made me feel the right way or the connection was to change.
Also, turning off all the burners is very much doable and something I want to in time is to be able to do. But, in a city like San Francisco, dating can be a full-time job. People’s interests and relationship status change quickly. If you are dating someone and you haven’t defined your relationship as “a serious partnership,” you should expect that they are dating multiple people and that feelings could be stronger with someone else.
And that right there is where this theory came for me. I enjoy dating and being a part of someone’s life, but I have needs and so does the person I am dating and until I find someone in which their needs and mind are fully covered within our partnership, I can’t pass up the chances of finding that connection with someone else and that means dating multiple people at a time.
How do you handle dating multiple people?
Back to cooking I go!
XOXO – Crispy